Bikini Prep – 15 Weeks Out – Trying to Be Something I'm Not

I feel like I have so much to write about this week. Some weeks I struggle for the perfect topic for this post, and some weeks they come right to me. This week, so much happened that I feel like I have to narrow down the events. Instead, I will just tell you about it all, and you can just skim over the boring parts.

1.) I was hangry, a lot.

2.) I trained with Joe and he kicked my ass.

3.) A lady asked me to take my shirt off in the middle of the gym. She was serious. I obeyed.

4.) I had to do some soul searching and choose between two paths.

5.) Sunday morning, I drove to Columbia, for my very first posing practice. Check out my IG page @marydavisfitness for a video.

What would you like to hear most about?

You probably don’t care that I was hangry (hungry + angry). Deal with it, right Mary? In the past few weeks when I have been hungry and haven’t had any food left that I was “allowed to eat” for the day, I still ate anyways. Some days I was over my allotted calories by 200. Those days, I taught spin usually, and my metabolism was just ripping through my food so quickly. This week a light switch flipped in my head when a trainer at my gym, Kelly, said, “You can’t do that during prep.” She probably has no idea that it was because of her comment that the switch flipped. Kelly happens to be the girlfriend of my coach Joe. She has competed in the past and, like Joe, she is super dedicated. The words just stuck in my brain. “YOU CAN’T DO THAT DURING PREP.” She was right. I am training for a COMPETITION. We are now into 15 weeks. Shy of 4 months. It may seem like a long way away still, but it’s really not. 15 weeks will be here in the blink of an eye.

So when I was hungry on Monday and Tuesday nights, I just dealt with it. It was hard and uncomfortable, and I always tried to remember that I could eat more food tomorrow. I had another 1900+ calories waiting for me. I gave this feedback to Joe, and we are trying something this week to see if my hunger subsides a bit during my spin/lift days. We will see. I have to remember that if it were easy, everyone would do it. I posted the picture on the left on my Snapchat (MaryGoNavy) one morning this week after a very hangry night. If you are not following me on Snapchat, please do. I post a ton of content there.

I went back to the Colosseum on Thursday afternoon, and my coach had me try some new lifts that completely crushed me. I did front squats for the first time. We used the Smith Machine for them to ensure proper form, and I did two warm up sets of 15 reps and 2 working sets. Joe had me lift the heaviest weight that I could (95#) for 4 reps, rest for 10 seconds, repeat for a total of 6 times. 24 reps at 95#, and at the end a lot of struggling and breathlessness. My heart rate got higher than I’ve ever seen it during a weight lifting session: 165. I repeated that 4×6 an additional time, and I knew I would be feeling it the next day, and the day after. I also did Sissy Squats for the first time and a new shoulder exercise which left me sore driving home from the session. I cannot wait to incorporate these into my routine this week.

The feedback that I am getting from Joe and others is that the muscle gains over my six weeks of training are very visible. My shoulders are larger and rounder, my arms are tighter. My legs and glutes have more shape, and my waist is smaller. I have lost almost an inch there. That is all great news, however in the bikini division that I plan to compete in, that might NOT be what the judges want to see. In the bikini division, they look for big shoulders, big glutes but a soft and sexy everything else. In the figure division, the judges look for a more muscular and athletic appearance.

At the end of my training session, Nikki, a well-known trainer at the Colosseum asked me to take my shirt off so she could see my upper body and back. The feedback: uncertainty…which leads to the title of this post. Am I trying to be something that I’m not?

Am I trying to be strong and sexy when I’m really just strong and athletic? Am I trying to fit into a division that I really DON’T fit into? Am I really a figure girl?

So for the rest of the week, this is what consumed my mind. I want to WIN a trophy. I want to place. I don’t want to train for 22 weeks, and walk off stage with nothing. My coach wants to coach someone who leaves with a trophy. We have the SAME goals.

On Saturday, I went with my family to Fan Fest at Navy Stadium. My husband is a football coach, and he has been working very long hours lately. This was a great way to spend some time with him and support Navy Football. A women approached me and asked me if I competed and to list the supplements I take. I was taken aback by her comment, and I started to feel self conscious for the rest of the day. I looked at photos of myself from that day, and I noticed my larger shoulders, my bicep vein and the muscles in my chest. I am not sure that I want my shoulders any larger or my veins any more prominent. I don’t want to cross the line of femininity. When is big enough, big enough?

I went to posing practice on Sunday for the first time. I needed to see with my own eyes other figure girls and other bikini girls. I sat there and watched these tall, strong women of all races and ages strut there stuff in the middle of a gym. I look at the demeanor and the poses of each division. I took in the personalities of each division. I sat there watching. I was thinking that my body fit in better in figure. I looked more like the figure girls. They were more athletic. They looked like me, well except for the tattoos everywhere. I was sad. I didn’t know where I really belonged. Finally, I walked up to the clinic coach, and I told her that I wasn’t sure where I fit in.

She asked me a simple question, “What do you LIKE better?” She told me that this was about HAVING FUN and that I had to choose the division that would allow me to have the most fun. The division that excited me the most. Fun. I forgot about fun. For the past 6 weeks, I have been very serious. I take my training very seriously. I enjoy my rest days, but when I am training it is tunnel vision at times.

So I strutted my stuff over to the bikini girls. I put a little swagger in my step, practiced my walk and my quarter turn and smiled a lot. Bikini is where I fit in even if my body doesn’t fit in. Maybe the judges will say that I am too shredded for their soft look. Maybe I won’t place because my biceps are too big, but damn it, I’m working way too hard not to follow my heart and have some FUN while doing it.

So it’s time to be more of a bikini girl. More dresses. More high heels. More date nights. Speaking of, my husband is home from his 14 hour work day, so it’s time to go. Don’t think for a second that just because I’m having fun now doesn’t mean I’m not a competitor. The switch is flipped. Watch out ladies, on November 19th, I’m coming for that trophy.

Have a great week, and don’t forget to have some FUN too.